Since it's come out to more of my friends that my marriage is done I've heard the line, "I hate to say it, but I'm not surprised...", over and over again.
Love is blind? pussy whipped? afraid of being alone?
I suppose there were signs along the way that I chose to ignore and things I thought we could both work through. I know I've grown a ton in the past 13 years and I'm a much better person for it, but it feels like I'm trying to step forward on my own.
I think I've learned a lot people in general and one thing that people count discount is family history. Whether it's health, mental, lifestyle, relationship or financial it's extremely tough to throw off the shackles of ones past.
In some cases you can pull yourself up by your bootstraps and grow beyond where you came from, but especially with mental and health you always are under risk of being drawn back down into the mud. I thought we could grow beyond my ex's family history, but it has dealt the blows that have cut things apart.
Now I worry for my children's future with a genetic history of issues and living in the situation they are currently in with a parent that won't admit or deal with the mental issues they have. My daughter is already taking on some of the most hated traits my ex has and my son has major self-esteem issues because of how she treats him.
So now I am on guard and try to learn what I can so I can hopefully help my kids in the future. I just hope that they will accept their past and be able to move beyond this present.
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