Dreams cycled in and out of your mind and typically only fleeting glimpses remain by morning.
Mine seem to give me quite a bit of unease... to much realism, to much confrontation and to many memories. I don't remember all my dreams, but the details I do are enough to set me on edge the rest of the day... or like a fairly recent I'm still unsettled by it. My have recently been dealing with Separation, Job Searches, Financial Despair, the past Death of Love ones, and Fears for the future.
For the most part dreams I'm up in the air about the meaning and importance of dreams. They can reveal what's bothering our subconscious, what were wrestling with, and our fears... and of course sometimes their just full of crap.
Some people are able to control their dreams, my dad is the best rewinding at will and full control, for me I'm the furthest from it... While I'm asleep I know it's a dream and always attempt to control it, but my throat is clenched and I'm unable to sleep and have trouble breathing. Add to that in many situations I'm unable to physically move and can't pull myself awake out of the dream back to reality. So even though I enjoy my sleep like a good steak and can fall asleep easily, sleep hasn't been much of a shelter or source of energy.
So I sit up bleary eyed, seeing friends and people flicker in and out of my contact lists, wishing for someone to talk, to see in RL. Like every guy they want to seem strong, independent, capable, but now I just want to reach out and at the same time don't want to interrupt their lives and families with my mud pie mountain. Craving some kind of physical contact, not even intimacy (though that's been craved for at least a year now), but even to have someone your own age or outlook to hangout with and talk, laugh and all that kind of humanity type of crap. At one point and still sometimes, I wish I could just med myself up to the point where I don't care about anything and just zombie through life not caring if I'm treated like crap, not care that I don't here a thanks or apology, don't care if I get taken advantage of and do 90% of the stuff that being an adult requires of us.
Everyone has their own struggles, trying times, and baggage they carry with them. Do you let it crush you under the weight of it? Do you pick up and start again after you've been kicked in the head time and again? How do you know when to just stay down?
Life is never like we intended it to be... "I'm an adult now."
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