same as yesterday/yesteryear and some pluses.

So it looks like vacation will be non-existent again this year... such is life I guess. It just seems like the stuff you're looking forward to seems to get tainted in someway even if they aren't outright done away with.

So you're not able to do something, not unusual, but I just wish that we didn't have something to get our hopes up before having it pulled out from under you.

So the pluses of life because so much of this seems to focus on the negatives...

• my kids



• a job (not the worst out there, definitely not the best though)



• supportive parent's, family and friends



• health (physical, if not mental)



• music and the instruments to make it with



• I suppose the list goes on.

So that's it for now I guess.

A kick in the teeth... with a side of fries.

Do you know a person that everything they seem to touch turns into a major production / disaster... that's my Ex.

Case in point the trip to her parent's cottage that she planned for her and our kids. She got started shall we say more then a little late, through general lack of organization and thought. I will admit through no fault of her own, but just the nature of how things go when she is involved the Timing belt went on the car about an hour into the trip to the cottage. I get generally very pissed call from her (actually the 2nd such conversation of the day) and I have to talk her through what to do. Next call I get from her yes the problem is more serious then I expected, but I still had to troubleshoot her the way out of the situation.

I don't mind the fact that I had to drive an hour and gave them my vehicle... the kids got to go to the cottage and have fun, that's what counts... I don't even mind sitting in the car for another hour waiting for the tow truck or the other hour drive home. It is the chaos and calamity that seems to follow my Ex in everything she is involved in, except when she is teaching crafts... though everything else in our lives must stop when the prep for the craft is being done.

My other concern that is coming to the forefront now is the fact that ex is stalling on the mediator and still doesn' t have any idea where she is going to live and she expects to have the kids.

more to come I suppose.

That's something you could of brought to my attention... 13 years ago

Since it's come out to more of my friends that my marriage is done I've heard the line, "I hate to say it, but I'm not surprised...", over and over again.

Love is blind? pussy whipped? afraid of being alone?

I suppose there were signs along the way that I chose to ignore and things I thought we could both work through. I know I've grown a ton in the past 13 years and I'm a much better person for it, but it feels like I'm trying to step forward on my own.

I think I've learned a lot people in general and one thing that people count discount is family history. Whether it's health, mental, lifestyle, relationship or financial it's extremely tough to throw off the shackles of ones past.

In some cases you can pull yourself up by your bootstraps and grow beyond where you came from, but especially with mental and health you always are under risk of being drawn back down into the mud. I thought we could grow beyond my ex's family history, but it has dealt the blows that have cut things apart.

Now I worry for my children's future with a genetic history of issues and living in the situation they are currently in with a parent that won't admit or deal with the mental issues they have. My daughter is already taking on some of the most hated traits my ex has and my son has major self-esteem issues because of how she treats him.

So now I am on guard and try to learn what I can so I can hopefully help my kids in the future. I just hope that they will accept their past and be able to move beyond this present.