I look back on my choices, attitude and actions and wonder am I worthy to call myself the proper care giver for my children or am I just a farce to those around me?
Why do I question myself in such a way? Am I actually the one with the issues and I just refuse to actually accept them? Am I deluding myself, think I'm better then I am?
Or does my willingness to question myself prove I've got a stable brain inside this pathetic head of mine?
I am so anti-confrontational am I willing to let my children sit under the influence of their mother who I believe is unstable, angry and who they fear? Or do I stand ground beyond what I believe are my abilities and fight in-laws & Ex the way I swore I never would, become the person I outright decided never to become from the age of 4.
Why do I question myself? Why don't the others that matter in this battle see things as I and so many others see? Am I just an actor in my own life? Am I who I think I am, who I see myself as or am I just a shell existing on top of some self-centred, self-hating punk?
Does everybody have these doubts, questions, delusions?
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